Why the blank face?

The Japanese love all things cute, or kawaii, in the lingo, and there appears to be no greater compliment to make to children, pets and foreigners than to exclaim "Kawaii!" I'm not sure what the correct response should be ("Thank you very much" "You too" or "Mind your own business") but the cult of the kawaii is endemic, as demonstrated by the girls (above) with Mell-chan, a sickly sweet purveyor of kiddie products. In fact, it comes as quite a shock when things are not quite as kawaii as expected:

Hmm. Familiar, but a little odd. They don't have heads. They're just photos for faces, admit it. But not nearly as scary as...

...the zombies with no faces. Whatever happened to cute dummies?

A taste of home

It's always nice to get a picture from home. Here's my little sister, Jane, in my hometown of little old Leicester, previously known as the world capital for, er, rather fatty red cheddar and Gary Lineker (below). But wait a minute what's that behind her? A sushi restaurant? In Leicester? Yes folks, it's true. Does this mean Leicester is moving upmarket? I doubt it, it probably just means sushi is becoming more downmarket in Britain. But this is still a reason to celebrate. If I can eat KFC in Japan, I don't see why the good folk of Leicester shouldn't have a taste of the orient. By the way, did I ever tell you about my distant relative, Amos Sherriff, the first Labour Lord Mayor of Leicester...?

New face at Tower English

What on Earth is this? Well, unlike recent posts, I actually know the answer. This is Noppon, the official mascot of Tokyo Tower, the largest iron structure in Japan (it's about one thousand feet high, I think). Helpfully, if you unscrew his head, there is a ball-point pen underneath. Worryingly for a tall building mascot though, he is not very stable on his feet, a little top heavy, and, as can be seen from the second picture, he is a little, well, little. Yoshie thinks he looks strange and I can't decide if he is cute or sinister, but Emma has taken a shine to him and he was a present from a student who lives across the road, so he will be staying.

Back from the big city

Grub's up! The kids make rice balls for tea.

Well, I survived a night out in Tokyo, catching up with former colleagues at the Daily Yomiuri and enjoying a great Canadian/British pub in Meguro (a posh area of Tokyo) called The Black Lion. I enjoyed it a little too much, and fell asleep on the train home on the Yamanote line, which circles central Tokyo, missed my connecting train and ended up stranded in the big city at 1:30am. However, by the glories of modern communication, my resourceful wife back home found a hotel for me and guided me safely there like an operative helping Jack Bauer save the world on 24 armed only with truth, justice and a mobile phone. Anyway, we had a lazy Sunday and the kids helped make tea - Swedish meatballs and onigiri (balls of rice with salmon, wrapped in seaweed). It's lovely to be home.

"I'm all alone in the big city, I need your help..."

"There's a hotel round the corner, I've made the reservation, they are expecting you."

Commentator's curse

What a difference a day makes. Yesterday, I blithely stated how safe Japan was, only to read today about the murder of a schoolboy in a park, the continuing inability of the police to catch the killer of an English teacher, and the 10th straight year that at least 30,000 people have committed suicide. Clearly, all is not well over here. It reminded me of a comment from a Japanese student I taught 10 years ago who had lived for some time in the UK. I asked him what the differences between the UK and Japan were. He said the UK had the little things wrong, but the big things right, but it was vice versa in Japan. For example, in the UK if you wanted to get out of an intercity train, you had to lower the window, stick your hand out and open the door manually from the outside, but you were free to spend the whole weekend with the family rather than playing golf with clients. He didn't give examples for Japan missing the wood for the trees, but I suppose you could cite the extreme punctuality of Japanese (my students often apologise for being late for a lesson when they arrive only two minutes early!) but then are expected to put in countless hours of unpaid overtime at work. But I've learnt my lesson - never generalise. Anyway, I'm off for a drink in Tokyo, so call the cops if I don't post anything on Sunday. 

Mean streets of Kounoyama

Japan, as we all know, is a very law-abiding, safe country. But I have to report a disturbing increase in crime. According to the local council newsletter, in our neighbourhood of Kounoyama, with I think 1,000 or so households, one bicycle was stolen. Granted, this was for a three-month period, but it was the first bike to be nicked in a year or so since we've lived here. And look at that picture of a park bench... what may be a typical sight in Vicky Park, Leicester, is something of a rarity round these parts. It wasn't me, I hasten to add, I gave up smoking years ago. I can only blame the youth of today, which brings me to a nice little quote I found in a textbook the other day: 

Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders; they contradict their parents and tyrannize their teachers.

Who spoke these wise words? Sarah Palin? Barack Obama? Boris Johnson? No, it was in fact Socrates, who died in 399BC. But I bet even he couldn't solve the riddle of the lake. 

Dancing girls, super heroes and the morris men

Now, regular visitors to this blog will know, I try my best to understand what is going on around me, offer a few pithy comments and let the pictures do the talking. But every now and then, I feel I should interpret what I have seen for the benefit of the hard-of-thinking. Consider Exhibit A, members of the Tower Tales jury:

 

I think we can establish beyond any reasonable doubt that this is a form of morris dancing. The dancing girls are hoping that their exhortations will bring about a bountiful harvest that will enable their mobile phones to recharge throughout the year. It makes about as much sense as the kappa festival, after all. Well, what do you think is going on here?

Western star, Eastern profit

Hey, there's that cool Tommy Lee Jones chap. Is he chasing a fugitive from justice across the Tokyo metropolis jumping from one bullet train roof to another? Er, no, he's flogging vending machine coffee on a commuter train.  

753

The Japanese love their lucky numbers. Three of the most important prime numbers are seven, five and three, which have been elevated into key numbers in the life of children. Since this year Katherine will be seven years old and Emma three, this is so auspicious we have to whip them down to the shinto shrine and get a blessing from a priest, according to the shichi-go-san rites of passage. So, yesterday we went along to a local shrine (not the one I filmed the other day, but similar) and the kids picked out their kimono for the ceremony. I wasn't allowed to take pictures of the kimono, so you will have to make do with shots here of the kids praying for good luck, the shrine where the blessing will occur (other folk were in it today, can you see their shoes?) and an old Mini in the compound presumably belonging to the priest. Rest assured I will record the grand occasion next month for Tower Tales aficionados. in the meantime, for more fun with numbers, click here.

English for dummies

Look, I don't have a thing about mannequins, honest, they just keep popping up in unexpected places and sometimes can be mistaken for real people. Well, here is a more stylised one (with brown hair and big round eyes) where you would expect to find one - in a department store. But this one is proudly sporting her English motto "Love spicy girls bluecross" on her, er, zip-up bodywarmer thing. What's that badge on her super-fashionable purple woolly hat? Oh, it's her cry to her fashion-conscious sisters: "Spicy not sweet, be cool! Bluecross." Indeed. It's what all the dummies will be saying this autumn.

Backstage at a Hawaiian festival

Ah, another weekend at Teganuma lake, another Hawaiian hula festival. What is it with Japan and Hawaii? The default location for holiday/retirement/dream second homes (not to mention a date which will live in infamy), the place is so popular with Japanese you can go there and not have to speak a word of English. Anyway, here is a performance earlier today featuring one of my students. No nodding off at the back there.

Counting for samurai

Ichi, ni, san, shi, go, rokku, nana samurai...

The Japanese have an advantage over Westerners when it comes to counting. Ask someone in Leicester to count off ten items in a list (say like the 10 best nights out of all time at The Clarendon pub) and they will need both hands and all fingers. But the Japanese can count to 10 one-handed. Here's how to count, shall we say, according to the way of the samurai:

1. Choose a hand and spread the fingers out, palm facing you.
2. Fold your Tommy Thumb into the centre of the hand and say "ichi" (one)
3. Fold the Peter Pointer finger over the thumb and say "ni" (two)
4. Repeat with remaining fingers saying, in order, "san, shi, go" (three, four, five)
5. If you have done this correctly you should now be staring at a clenched fist, with the thumb hidden from view.
6. Now, lift your Baby Small finger back into its starting (straight) position and say "rokku" (six)
7. Then lift your Ruby Ring finger, saying "nana" (seven).
8. Repeat with remaining fingers, and lastly with thumb, stating "hachi, kyu, ju" (eight, nine, ten).
9. You should now be staring at your open palm.
10. You have mastered counting in the way of the samurai.

You are now free to count to 10 and use your redundant hand for other tasks, such as dicing a peasant or changing the TV channel, or even dipping your tempura in the ginger while making a hilarious joke in Japanese. 

Odd one out for dummies

If you thought the last odd one out competition was too easy, try this one on for size. No inanimate objects were harmed in the writing of this post and all participants were asked to pose for the camera, none objected.

Hello, what school do you go to?

Hey, your sister is not very talkative. Do you like tartan?

 

Well, do you like tartan? You're talking with your hands, but not with your mouth...  wait a minute, something's not quite right here...

Ahh, now I understand - you are mimes performing a silent salute to the Beijing Olympics. By the way, Happy Birthday, Kevin.

Wonderful wander

Ever wondered what a window-shopping wander would be like with us? Well, wonder no more, and wander away. Sorry, the pun and alliteration are a bit tiresome I know, but I have nothing deep and meaningful to offer about this video, other than it is a slice of life in a Japanese shopping arcade:

Highlights, in case you missed them:

0:23 Ice cream shop with plastic menu-item display

0:51 Double glazing saleswoman (well, maybe)

1:22 Woman wearing "Make up your mind" T-shirt

1:48 High school girls in uniform

2:00 Fishmonger and chap cooking savory pancakes shaped like fish 

2:12 Pachinko parlour

2:21 Sign for a manga reading room boasting private booths. 

2:27 Women hawking mobile phones

2:32 Noodle shop plastic menu and payment machine

2:52 Woman hawking mobile phones 

3:02 Man taking a picture of a TV screen

3:11 Another woman hawking mobile phones

3:23 A zebra crossing. Can you hear the electronic cuckoo whose call means it is safe to cross?

School report

I've been asked to comment on the education system over here by a regular comment-leaver - Dr. Datsun Kildare (that's not his real name, and I know he isn't a real doctor at all, but we went to the same junior school, so I cut him some slack). I'm happy to offer the positives that I've seen:

• Katherine's summer homework (she's in the first year - the school year starts in April here) was to write a book report in Japanese (see above), explaining the story and then how the book made her feel; to grow a flower through the summer holidays (a morning glory) and draw its blooms and retrieve its seeds; and to make something she liked (she made a karaoke box out of cardboard and foil).
• There are no caretakers or dinner ladies so all children share all the cleaning and cooking duties around the school.
• All children are told to walk to school by themselves, parents are not allowed to drop them off by car.
• Even though we are in the commuter-belt for Tokyo, the primary school has extensive vegetable patches that are tended by the children.

On the whole, Katherine seems to be happy and learning good things. There are of course negatives, but I'll save those for another day...

Brand new day

The flying visit of Cocko and Co. (I really must stop calling him that) got me thinking about Britain's standing in Japan. In the US, Britain is seen as a slightly effete, slightly haughty, fairly shabby country run by toffs, whereas the Japanese look at the same evidence and come to a more flattering conclusion. Japanese ladies often tell me they would like to take afternoon tea in the Cotswolds. Folk here assume Britain is a more powerful country than it is and are surprised to learn that it has less than half the population of Japan and is about a 50th the size of the USA. By the way, no-one has heard of Britain's alleged special relationship with America. The Japanese believe they have an especially close relationship with Uncle Sam as favoured younger brother. As far as I can tell, Americans have no knowledge of either special relationship and would be checking both of our IDs at the gate to the family barbecue. Anyway, just to prove that Britain is a brand, here's the image...      

...and here's the reality:

England on tour

Nothing's gonna stop us now...

It's tough being bimbo hima nashi, er, that is, always working, but still poor - the mantra of the salaryman. I'd love to be able to fly back to England for a holiday, but this weekend we had the next best thing - a little bit of England came to Abiko in the shape of Cocko and his friends from Mickleover and Littleover, Ian and Gemma. The three have been trekking round the country and saw fit to swing by with Sheryn, an Australian studying Japanese in Sapporo, whom they befriended while watching a psychic spoon bender in Matsuyama. We showed them the delights of natto (fermented soy beans that smell like a teenager's socks), and they returned the favour with their karaoke versions of Nirvana's Teen Spirit and other songs I can now no longer listen to in the same way again. But seriously folks, we had a great night out on Saturday and capped it off with a lovely picnic on Sunday on the banks of Teganuma. Many thanks to students Junko, Miwa, Yukino and Yoko who braved the rigours of the Derby accent in the interests of improving international relations. I was sad to say goodbye, but you can follow the Derby adventurers' next escapade on Gemma's blog.

James samples the delicacy of natto...

Nothing's gonna stop Gemma and Ian now. 

Ah, a nice quiet spot at last. 

'biko bus stop blues

If you ever find yourself on a Sunday afternoon waiting at the Abiko train station for a bus to downtown Kounoyama, where we live, there's a good chance you'll hear a little Mississippi Delta blues. There's a chap who sits by the bus stop most Sundays and plays for free - buskers here don't seem to do it for money, at least his guitar case is always closed. Anyway, I thought I would bring him to a wider audience (although there were more people waiting for the bus than read this blog on a Sunday, ahem). So here's a video of me wandering around trying to oh-so-subtly film him. Next time, I think I'll just ask him if I can record him. Without further ado, here's The 'biko Bus Stop Blues:

Odd one out: 2

Here's a brain-teaser for all you Saturday browsers. Can you spot the odd one out here of these typically Japanese buildings that I snapped on my travels? (Usual odd one out rules apply.)

Traditional...

...inspirational...

...er, convenient for the airport?

The same, but different

I read somewhere (so it must be true) that Japan watchers end up arguing from one of two positions:

1. Scratch the surface, and Japan is just like every other country.
2. The country and its people are incomprehensibly different, so don't even try to understand the place.

I'd like to think the truth is somewhere between the two extremes because if you subscribe to the second view, horrors like the A-bomb become an easy reality, but if you believe the first, you will miss the local flavour that makes the world a more interesting place. So, in the spirit of cultural exploration and understanding, here are some pictures I took while shopping this weekend, proving that the Japanese are both like everyone else, and very different at the same time.

Well, the English almost makes sense, if a little mysterious on this sign by the entrance to an indoor market. What would cause shoppers' eyes to sparkle? Why, maybe this:

No, it's not what you think, it is in fact for a racially insensitive novelty ashtray:

Hmm. Not quite the wife's cup of tea. Maybe she would prefer one of these:

Yes, it's dressing-up for adults featuring maids, airline stewardesses, high school students, and perhaps most worryingly, assistants at shinto shrines (bottom row, fourth from the right). Just what kind of market is this, you might be wondering...    

...it's the kind of market that sells good old Wedgwood porcelain all the way from the Potteries of little old England. Now, that's definitely more my wife's cup of tea, but maybe not served from this drinks dispenser:

More rain than you can shake a stick at

Now, regular readers will know I do like a bit of torrential rain to liven up an otherwise slow news day, so imagine my delight when Yoshie returned to base from a groceries sortie drenched to the bone and reporting rising flood waters outside our house the other day. My first instinct? Issue lifejackets to the kids? Call a plumber? No, of course not, it was to run out into the street with my camera to film the mayhem. And here it is:

OK, not that much mayhem, but wait, here comes another car...

I'd just got through christening the area Lake Tower English (or Towernuma in Japanese) when it stopped raining and within 30 minutes all the water had gone. 

The battle of Mushi Bush

Ready to do battle. Give me death or freedom (from mushi).

We had iced tea yesterday morning with a regular mum at our playgroup, but she has a far from regular knowledge of plants. So, in between us scoffing green tea Swiss rolls, she identified 28 different trees and bushes in our garden. As soon as Shacho has translated them from Japanese, we are going to hang English signs on each to help our students (and us) learn the plant names. But while nosing around the garden, our friendly botanist warned us that one of the bushes had an infestation of insects (mushi). I asked her what pesticide we should use to get rid of them. She looked at me serenely, and said "chopsticks." She explained they were poisonous caterpillars and you should not touch them, so just pick them off the leafs with chopsticks, or if there were a lot of the pests (there were) remove the stem, but don't touch them. I opted for full battle dress of my paint-splattered yukata, Leicester City Football Club baseball cap, gardening gloves and garden pruners. I merrily hacked away at the troublesome bush, taking a leaf out of the Agent Orange deforestation strategy of the Vietnam War (with about as much success) when I stumbled across Charlie. I called in for backup, and with the aid of a plastic bin bag and unsteady hands, clipped away the stems as nervously as a first-time sapper trying to disable a landmine, before cutting the last link and watching the nest fall into the bin-bag trap. I won this battle, but the war goes on.

 

The enemy, shortly before they were vanquished.

Photography for dummies

Here's a nice little picture of street life I took while shopping in Kashiwa, one stop down the Joban line towards Tokyo. Yes, there's a chap doing some shopping on his momma charu, and there's a high school girl at the edge of the frame and, er, hang on a second... those three old fellows on the balcony sure look familiar... let me just find the zoom function on my camera...

Holy fried chicken! Its the Colonel Sanders triplets! I've no idea what's going on here, but it livened up my day, I hope it does yours. 

I missed the party

My Grandma's favourite party, the Democrats,  got through another convention and I missed every speech, other than catching the end of a CNN broadcast here that said Barack Obama's final address was watched by 38 million Americans - more than those who watched the final of American Idol. I'm still not convinced that enough Americans are prepared to vote for a black man and an aging Washington insider over a war hero and a redneck mother of five, but I will gladly eat my words and celebrate should Obama manage to defeat the forces of evil massed against him. Whether he turns out to be anything more than your typical paid-for politician remains to be seen. But I find it sad that Obama is now criticised for being too good an orator. I suppose if Abraham Lincoln were running now, he wouldn't stand a chance (sorry Abe, you are too good at speaking to large crowds, you don't have the common touch). By the way, don't forget to vote in the Tower Tales poll too on the right. You only have until November 4th you know. Lastly, I saw this three score and 10 minutes ago on America's finest news source, and thought I would share it with you good folk (click on the play button):

Portrayal Of Obama As Elitist Hailed As Step Forward For African Americans

The show had to go on

I finished my last lesson of the day at 5pm yesterday and donned my old Glasgow Rangers top and paint-splattered shorts to stagger round the banks of lake Teganuma. I covered just over 10km in one hour and seven minutes, for all you running folk out there (who will know that is quite a slow time) but I needed to get some training in before the half marathon around the whole lake in eight weeks. As I crossed over the main bridge, along the path where I snapped the Abiko Imperial Navy, I could see menacing black storm clouds ahead of me with occasional forked lightning. Time to turn back and sign up at a gym with cable TV? Heck no! I thought I would just increase my pace and make it round the lake before I was too much of a sitting duck for the rain and lightning. Well, I didn't make it. Ten minutes later the heavens opened up and I was drenched in one of those downpours that reminds you you're not in England anymore. And then, in the midst of the tempest, I found myself squelching through a small park, but I could hear music. I looked up and saw a stage with 20 hula dancers in grass skirts shimmying along to a Hawaiian ditty. The audience (if there had been one) had long gone, but the show had to go on. As I did, thoroughly drenched, back home. 

Caption competition

I quite like this picture I took of my shadow. But what kicker (opening words) to use for a caption? Here are a few suggestions:

Shady character
Sherriff's back in town
A long shot

Can you do better?

Now hear this

The loudspeaker. It's everywhere. Not only at train stations to torment the long-suffering commuters, as you might reasonably expect, but it's presence is hammered into your consciousness from more unusual sources too:

• Vans selling tofu, with a recorded jingle not unlike the Muslim call to prayer.
• Vans collecting unwanted bicycles, appliances and furniture.
• Lorries hawking diesel fuel for home heaters in winter.
• Vans repeating candidates' names at an incredibly loud volume.
• Schoolyards, which play a dainty ditty at 5pm every day to remind kids to stop playing on the streets and go home.

I was musing on the authoritarian symbolism that the loudspeaker presents - the voice of authority, no talking back etc, when a loudspeaker announcement from city hall echoed out at 7pm across downtown Kounoyama: 

Two children are missing. A boy, five years old. A girl, six years old. Mother was expecting them home at 4:45. 

A brief description followed and instantly the whole neighbourhood was aware. The two tikes were located and returned home safe and well. Maybe the loudspeaker is not all bad. But Mickey Mouse, he's obviously evil.

Temple tour, or shrine a light

In amongst the downmarket world of karaoke, pachinko parlours and Japanese TV often held up as the real Japan, sometimes you stumble across something a bit more genuine. And here it is:

OK, sorry I'm something of an ignorant guide, but if you could hear me above the racket of the cicadas in their deathrattle (they only chirp like that shortly before they meet their maker) this seemingly timeless place, five minutes by bike from my house, is actually surrounded by a new suburban housing estate and busy main road. I would have hung around but the mosquitos were gathering for a late afternoon snack. 

Odd one out

The Japanese love IQ tests (well, let's face it, who doesn't?) so I thought I would join in the fun with some pictures from Teganuma. Can you spot the odd one out? Answers on a postcard please. First 20 correct answers out of the hat get a free subscription to Tower Tales.

Not so easy is it?