Spokesman for the language

True to predictions of being gaffe-prone, Mr Aso, Japan's illustrious prime minister (centre), has been making Bush-like "non-words" and misreading the kanji in his speeches. You what? Allow me to explain, as Basil Fawlty might say... here's an extremely basic guide to reading Japanese (quick learners might want to skip this post and read something more interesting):

• There are three alphabets in Japanese - hiragana, katakana and kanji
• There are 46 hiragana letters that can be used to spell out any word in Japanese phonetically - for example "I" (as in "I am not from round here") could be written わたし (pronounced "wa-ta-shi")
• There are 46 katakana phonetic symbols with identical sounds to the hiragana, but are reserved for names and words of foreign origin, such as "Coca-Cola" or "Patrick" - パトリック ("Pa-to-ri-ku")
• Then there are the big daddies - thousands of kanji, based on Chinese characters which are not phonetic and can be pronounced in at least two ways. So "I" would be 私 (pronounced wa-ta-shi or shi or wa-ta-ku-shi). Think of them as Greek or Latinate prefixes and suffixes which give the language meaning. 

Still with me? Right, well seems that our Aso, lover of low-brow manga comics and late night drinking (is that bad?) has been misreading fairly common kanji, causing hilarity and consternation. The best was when he meant to say "Japan reiterates its apology for wartime wrongs" but instead said "Japan reiterates its stench of wartime wrongs". Ahh, just details. Still, I feel his pain when it comes to trying to decipher kanji. English is much easier, don't you think?

Counting for samurai

Ichi, ni, san, shi, go, rokku, nana samurai...

The Japanese have an advantage over Westerners when it comes to counting. Ask someone in Leicester to count off ten items in a list (say like the 10 best nights out of all time at The Clarendon pub) and they will need both hands and all fingers. But the Japanese can count to 10 one-handed. Here's how to count, shall we say, according to the way of the samurai:

1. Choose a hand and spread the fingers out, palm facing you.
2. Fold your Tommy Thumb into the centre of the hand and say "ichi" (one)
3. Fold the Peter Pointer finger over the thumb and say "ni" (two)
4. Repeat with remaining fingers saying, in order, "san, shi, go" (three, four, five)
5. If you have done this correctly you should now be staring at a clenched fist, with the thumb hidden from view.
6. Now, lift your Baby Small finger back into its starting (straight) position and say "rokku" (six)
7. Then lift your Ruby Ring finger, saying "nana" (seven).
8. Repeat with remaining fingers, and lastly with thumb, stating "hachi, kyu, ju" (eight, nine, ten).
9. You should now be staring at your open palm.
10. You have mastered counting in the way of the samurai.

You are now free to count to 10 and use your redundant hand for other tasks, such as dicing a peasant or changing the TV channel, or even dipping your tempura in the ginger while making a hilarious joke in Japanese. 

Ginger is the spice of life

It occurs to me that my legions of non-Japanese readers (do five or so regulars constitute a legion?) may be logging on here in the hope of improving their knowledge of Japan and the Japanese language. While I know little of either, I realise I have failed to offer anything much in the way of Japanese language tuition beyond the nicknames I have given my family. Well, consider this post Lesson One in essential Japanese from your self-appointed cultural attache.

• Sho ga nai said with a shrug of resignation, means "Such is life". However, keen Japanophiles and consumers of raw fish and tempura fried vegetables will know that "shoga" means "ginger" and "nai" means "none". So, said at the dinner table the expression can mean "There's no ginger." How my wife almost laughed once when I made this lame joke. I make it every time we have tempura and the mother-in-law says she has forgotten to bring the ginger from the fridge. Ahem. Now, get back to your grammar practice. 

Glossary

• Chame-Chan - The mother-in-law's cat. An American short-hair Tabby, he had flown from Japan to Britain and back again. He died in 2008.
  
• Dad and Margaret - Live in Leicester and between them translate novels from Spanish and Portuguese, learn French, do the Guardian crossword and cook vegetarian meals all day long.
  
• Emma-chan - My precocious younger daughter.
  
• Geoff - My older brother who jacked in a career in newspaper circulation to become a long-distance truck driver in the USA.
  
• giri-no-shacho - A term I coined combining giri-no-haha (mother in law) with shacho (boss) to mean literally "boss-in-law". Also known as Baa-chan - grandma- by my kids. But her name is Michiko.
  
• Jane - My little sister who lives in Leicester. After a couple of years as a social worker in Portsmouth, she is finding work as a primary school teacher more her cup of tea.
  
• K-chan - My sensitive elder daughter.
  
• kappa - Mythical green water sprites who seem to be all over the place in Abiko
• kawaii - Cute. This is something seen as a goal in itself in Japan.
• LDP - The Liberal Democratic Party. This party is neither liberal (it is pretty darned conservative) nor very democratic - it has been perennially in power since 1945, bar a couple of years at the end of the 1990s.
• shacho - Company president or boss. In my house that means my wife, Yoshie.