Signs of recession - DIY dental treatment

Normally, in large train station concourses in Japan there are stalls selling rice crackers and such souvenirs for weary travellers to present to loved ones and the boss on their return. But these are not normal times - here is a nice collection of dental tools for sale in Kashiwa, presumably to save money on seeing a real dentist. Think I'd rather have the crackers.

Caption competition: The meaning of life

I took this shot the other day, thinking there must be some good cracks about the name of this supermarket I could use for an oh-so-witty caption, but when I sat down at the computer, my mind went blank. The best I could do was: The meaning of life? Eight items or less. Pretty rubbish, I think you'll agree. Any improvements? For more fun shopping, click here, or here for more brain teasers.

Festive formula

It must be Christmas again in Japan. November is barely done and already the Colonel Sanders triplets (remember them?) have their red rags on. How is it that a Buddhist/shintoist country gets so excited about Christmas? Welcome to globalisation 1.01. One of the strangest sights I recall the first year I was in Tokyo, a good decade ago, was seeing lines stretching round the corner for KFC on Christmas Eve. Why? Allow me to explain mathematically:

x= (c-t)+ch*130,000,000@KFC=¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥!!!!!!!!!!

(where x= Festive fun, c=Christmas, t=Turkey, ch= Chicken)

Pleasant little numbers

I'm chuffed. Last night I was looking at the Tower Tales analytics (that means numbers - you can too, just click on the number of visitors at the top right) and was pleasantly surprised to find my usual Sunday/Monday tally of two relatives and a couple of passers-by looking for low impact aerobics (it's odd what search engines will throw up) was multiplying before my very eyes to more than one hit an hour. Granted, these are not numbers to get Murdoch worried, but for a site that doesn't do sex (as much as it would like, ahem) and has an awful lot of gratuitous chat about my family, what gives?

Well, in a moment of foresight between glasses of cheap Australian plonk from the Seven-11, I registered this blog on the Total Politics site and blow me, political uber-blogger Iain Dale graciously put a link to Tower Tales (see the post below for the link). By the way, get well soon Dad (Grandad). This non-political, non-aerobics-related video shot today is dedicated to you.

Iain Dale's Diary: Ten New Blogs

Iain Dale's Diary: Ten New Blogs

Re-ordering reality

While collating some good stories about Japan, I thought there's nothing quite as satisfying as a good list. While I have as little power over my life as anyone else has over theirs, when you write a shopping list, you are master of the universe. You are free to order the vegetables according to size, sweetness or even the Dewey Decimal System if you so desire. But why stop with shopping? Here's my list of things worth listing:

1. Books that you told people you were reading, but you haven't actually got past the blurb.
2. Top 10 ambitions you had as a teenager you have conveniently forgotten.
3. The worst jobs you have ever had.
4. Things you wish you hadn't done while drunk.
5. Things you wish you had done while drunk.

For a more useful list that actually goes to 10, click here.

Top 10 tales of the week

If anyone has been following the discussions in the comments bits of recent posts with Doctor Datsun Kildare (not his real name), you'll know that I'm mulling (that's one of those newspaper words again - means thinking about, but uses up less newsprint) making another blog specifically to inform and entertain those outside Japan who know little about the place (much like me, eh readers). One of the ideas is to have a daily briefing of the key stories, according to me, doing the rounds about Japan in cyberspace. Well here's a little taste:

Here's your briefing of the 10 best Japan stories, according to yours truly, that have crossed my consciousness. Enjoy. Oh, not sure what kind of order the stories are in, you decide. 

• Where is Japan's version of Obama?
  
• Japan stabbings linked to pension scandal
  
• Top 60 popular Japanese words/phrases of 2008
  
• Elvis is Homeless in Japan
  
• Aso in hot water over remarks on doctors, parents
  
• Top anti-drink cop caught drunk-driving
  
• Cannabis and Japanese undergraduates
  
• Guitar phone
  
• The latest recession
  
• 10 Japanese customs you must know before going to Japan
  

Throw-away comment

Here's a nice shot of that dapper Taro Aso, Japan's Prime Minister, looking feisty in a campaign poster (presumably left over from the rubber stamp competition for leadership of the Liberal Democratic Party a couple of weeks ago, because no General Election has been called to my knowledge). Shame that his supporter chose to plonk his image beside a rubbish collection point. Is this an unwitting editorial comment on his party's perennial unpopularity?

Beware kappa!

Here's another kappa sighting, proving beyond doubt the existence of the mythical green water sprite, at least on public information signs. This one, beside a brook between Teganuma lake and some rice paddies, says "Beware", though whether we should beware of the brook or the kappa is not clear.

Spokesman for the language

True to predictions of being gaffe-prone, Mr Aso, Japan's illustrious prime minister (centre), has been making Bush-like "non-words" and misreading the kanji in his speeches. You what? Allow me to explain, as Basil Fawlty might say... here's an extremely basic guide to reading Japanese (quick learners might want to skip this post and read something more interesting):

• There are three alphabets in Japanese - hiragana, katakana and kanji
• There are 46 hiragana letters that can be used to spell out any word in Japanese phonetically - for example "I" (as in "I am not from round here") could be written わたし (pronounced "wa-ta-shi")
• There are 46 katakana phonetic symbols with identical sounds to the hiragana, but are reserved for names and words of foreign origin, such as "Coca-Cola" or "Patrick" - パトリック ("Pa-to-ri-ku")
• Then there are the big daddies - thousands of kanji, based on Chinese characters which are not phonetic and can be pronounced in at least two ways. So "I" would be 私 (pronounced wa-ta-shi or shi or wa-ta-ku-shi). Think of them as Greek or Latinate prefixes and suffixes which give the language meaning. 

Still with me? Right, well seems that our Aso, lover of low-brow manga comics and late night drinking (is that bad?) has been misreading fairly common kanji, causing hilarity and consternation. The best was when he meant to say "Japan reiterates its apology for wartime wrongs" but instead said "Japan reiterates its stench of wartime wrongs". Ahh, just details. Still, I feel his pain when it comes to trying to decipher kanji. English is much easier, don't you think?

Flash Gordon

Forgive me if this is a well-worn joke, but I saw this video on Guido Fawkes, which despite its rightward-lean, is an entertaining and rewarding read.

Anyway, it amused me, and helped me regain my equilibrium after a day at Puroland.

Birthday treat

It was my eldest's birthday on Friday, and to celebrate we braved a three-hour trek today to the other side of Tokyo to visit a key shrine in the cult of the kawaii - Puroland - home to hundreds of singing and dancing 20-somethings dressed as Hello Kitty and her litter. Puroland is a massive building filling a city block devoted to the high priestess of cuteness and her minions, the Sugar Bunnies. Naturally, my girls felt right at home, but after tolerating the unadulterated sweetness of the place for five hours, I could barely contain the urge to do something adult (I settled for cracking open a beer). It was all too reminiscent of Tokyo Disneyland. I can't bear to write much more, so without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, believers and non-believers, I give you Hello Kitty. Enjoy the show...

... this poor chap certainly did:

Black, white and dead all over

I got a nice e-mail from a good friend, a former colleague of mine at a local newspaper in England, who was one of the best sub-editors I've worked with. He told me he's resigning on Monday and taking up a post in public relations. This from a local newspaper "lifer" came as a bit of a surprise. But, he said now was a very good time to get out of newspapers into the world of PR.

It's probably too soon to write the obituary for the newspaper industry, but certainly the patient is looking rather gaunt. Circulation has been noticeably weakening since the early 1990s. There have been good days, when the global economy was booming and advertising revenue flowed from estate agents, but the lifeblood of numbers of readers has been declining steadily since even before the explosion of the internet. Now as the ad money dries up, it's time to talk of a crisis. Small papers are closing down in Britain and even bigger ones like the Manchester Evening News are fighting for survival, a surprising fact brought to my attention by avid Tower Tales comment-leaver Dr Datsun Kildare (whose amusing name makes up for his atrocious spelling). 

Why should anyone outside of the business care? Information is power, if you don't have any, you are at the mercy of those who do. Can the internet and Tom-Paine-like citizen journalist bloggers fill the shoes of local newspapers to keep democracy alive? They have to, for all our sakes. And on the upside, rather the citizen journalist than the Citizen Kane.

North by Northwest... to Akebonoyama Park

I had a bit of a Cary Grant moment the other day. It was quite sunny and we decided to head off on a picnic to far distant Akebonoyama Park (at least 20 minutes and two buses away). We'd never been there before so were a bit perturbed when the bus driver got to the end of his route and ordered everyone off at a makeshift bus stop on a long straight road by a field and, er, more fields. It was the closest I've come in this urban country to a prairie, and I found myself looking over my shoulder for evil crop-duster pilots. But we found the park and the kids managed to clamber over everything, in cliff hanger after cliff hanger. There was no Mount Rushmore in sight, alas.

No wonder no-one's buying any cars...

We have survived here without a car for almost a year and a half now thanks to three factors:

1. Public transport is great here. Buses are almost always on time, trains to Tokyo frequent and cheap (about ¥690 to get to Tokyo, 40km away, - about four pounds).
2. We work from home, so a car really is not vital.
3. We've got no money anyway.

Even if I weren't worried about the cost of running a car, or the fact our garage roof is so low we would have trouble squeezing a priest's mini in there, you could add a fourth factor: car names in Japan are just too darned silly. You can imagine the debate at Toyota central:

Hmmm. Our gas-guzzler is a bit boxy, wish it were foxy. I know, let's combine the words...

  

But it's not a patch on Daihatsu's attempt to reclaim some sex appeal for its otherwise unappealing box on wheels:

Week away from politics

In my travels through my links list, I found this cartoon on the New York Times website and thought I should share it with the fair folk who visit Tower Tales for the zen-like political enlightenment here (I'm joking, already). And for the politics junkies who have been missing their fix since the US elections finished a week ago, here's a romp down memory (and the bowling) lane:

 

Chame-chan, 1993-2008

It was a sad day yesterday. Chame-chan (pronounced cham-may-chan) died in the morning. My wife bought him 15 years ago to keep her mother in Japan company, way back when Yoshie was living in Arkansas and wasn't even a Sherriff yet. Back then, he could fit in her hand. In his prime, you'd need both hands and a good back to pick him up. For the last 15 years he has been a constant companion to my mother-in-law, moving with her around Japan when she was working in Tokyo; to England when she retired and Katherine was born; and flying back to Japan when we all moved here last year. He mastered miaowing in English and Japanese, but never did take to the Derby accent. To see the full picture of him in his prime, click here.

Cut out for life as a crime-fighter

It is always reassuring to see a policeman keeping watch as you take money out of a bank cash machine. Well, not that reassuring at our local bank. Our officer is less a man of steel, more a man of cardboard. Is this an example of cash-strapped banks skimping on security? Actually, our recyclable bobby is just a friendly reminder to impressionable old folk to beware of con artists impersonating their cash-strapped grandchildren with designs on their pensions. And I thought Japan was a crime-free paradise...

Life outside my front door

Thanks to the internet, I can live my life in Japan, but do a pretty good job of fooling myself that I am somewhere else. Want a taste of America? It's just a click away. Fancy visiting England? I can log on to the BBC website to catch the latest news or Facebook for more mundane fare from friends and former colleagues. But every now and then I escape the confines of my virtual world and professional little England life of Tower English to see the life outside my front door. And here's a slice of it from the other day, with Mizuki, a neighbour's seven-year-old, on her way back home from visiting a temple for her 7-5-3 blessing. Our kids took part in theirs the other week, but have reverted to even more traditional pursuits of children the world over: climbing on things they are not supposed to:  

Anybody mind if Obama starts a little early?

Ok, Ok, I know I said, "welcome back to Japan" in yesterday's post, but, hey, I just couldn't resist this I-told-you-so moment on the Letterman show:

To see what on earth Dave was talking about, click here.

Mellow fruitfulness... or how 'bout them apples?

For a start, these aren't apples, they're kaki, otherwise known as persimmons, a sort of cross between an apple and a tangerine, but neither crunchy like an apple, nor juicy like a tangerine. Anyway, I thought it was time to say welcome back to Japan after Tower Tales' trip through the US elections and return to less weighty matters, such as these fruit in my garden. I can't get excited about persimmons, but folks here (and the local crows) can't get enough of them, so I thought I would snap a picture of them before they disappear. To see more fruit and veg in the raw, click here. Hmmm. I'm missing the elections already.

The stuff of dreams (and nightmares)

In the heat of the moment, it's easy to believe that our actions are more important than they really are. I was in the crowd in Little Rock, Arkansas, one cold November night back in 1992 when the election was called for Bill Clinton. I don't remember exactly what he said that night, but there was a feeling in the air that we were making history. I think my brother still has a copy of the Arkansas Democrat Gazette and the New York Times proclaiming Clinton as the 42nd President, he thought they might be worth something one day. Bush Sr was vanquished, the first baby-boomer was about to enter the White House and we thought things were going to get better.

And they did, sort of. Sure, there was death in the Balkans and murder in Rwanda, but there was hope in the Middle East and peace in Northern Ireland. And the good guys were in charge. The cold of Reaganism was out, a warmer third way was in.

Then came the son of Bush, the neo-cons and the disaster of Iraq. Now, thinking back to that chilly night by the Arkansas River, I can't say that 1992 was the beginning of anything historic. But what happened on Tuesday in the United States, surely, was. 

A man who argued for peace is in charge of the world's most powerful country. He got there by forging a coalition based on unity, rather than exploiting division. Oh, and he's black.

We hear so much about the American Dream, but are all too aware of the reality of racism and war. Well, here is a man who could put both nightmares to bed. I only wish my mother and grandmother were alive today to witness this moment.

Hail to None of the Above

It's odd being out here in Japan waiting for the results of Tuesday's vote in the US, not least because it is Wednesday here already. As a former newspaper journalist I can attest to the tedium of collating local council results while wishing I could be at home to watch the national results on the telly. This time round I will be watching the results as best I can exclusively via the internet, and you can too with the handy widget I've bolted onto the bottom of this post, or watch the TV above. I will miss the traditional newsroom feast of delivery pizza, but I will raise a glass if the best man does indeed win.

By the way, the voting is complete in the Tower Tales presidential poll. If its unfeasible results from 24 votes cast sometime in the last 185 days were replicated in real life, here is what would have happened:

• In fourth place with 8 percent of the popular vote: John McCain
• Third, with 20 percent: Hillary Clinton
• Second, with  29 percent: Barack Obama
  
• First, with 41 percent: None of the Above.

The last word

Oh, and this from Obama at his last campaign rally in Virginia:

Thinking about the election

Tired of  all the brouhaha of the competing candidates, but still can't decide who would make the better leader of the Western world? (If you haven't decided by now, what planet do you live on?) Why not consider the "game changing" endorsement of Obama by Colin Powell, with a fair summary of McCain's failings: 

Still can't decide? Click here to see the moment McCain lost it.

The new, new McCain

Never let it be said that I've got it in for McCain. It's just I couldn't resist posting this video from a couple of weeks ago:

Think Tower Tales is taking politics far too seriously, click here for a little brain teaser.

Busting a few myths

If you thought Americans had the option of choosing a maverick war hero with a hatred for the politics of the Washington elite, think again. Take a look at this video from Rolling Stone (the magazine, not the group, sadly):

But I still think McCain's Pooh-san's double.