Moving the goalposts

If Tower English were a Premier League football club, which would it be? It's a question that has vexed me of late, and I'm sure it has you too. I think we can safely rule out the extremes of soon- to-be-done-for-Derby and the perennial big four. I'd like to think we have a great youth policy - we have just signed five new students from our playgroup youth academy - while attracting our fair share of out-of-favour stars from other schools (such as the relegated Nova). I think Portsmouth are where we are this season, though we have no chance of silverware in our cabinets yet. Our goal this year is mid-table mediocrity, but it's a funny old game.